Journal Post...

July 7th
I went to have my biopsy today and it was NOT at all what I expected.
First off, I think Chucky is scarred for life..
I didn't have a babysitter so I had to bring him with me.

I arrived a little early to try to put myself at ease.
I was put into a surgical room. It was a larger room, surgical supplies lined up ready for use, tanks with liquid nitrogen, a large glass cabinet lined with colorful chemicals, and a large lone medical table{a newer, reclining one} smack dab in the middle of the room. I sat down in one of the chairs that is for the patients family/friends as if I were not the patient. At this point I can say I was definately scared.
I was asking a lot of questions and the Dr. was looking at me as if I were a child trying to talk around it-as if to get him to forget what we were there for. All the while trying to convince Chucky that everything was going to be just fine.
While the Dr. was cleaning my arm and giving me shots to numb my arm he is explaining the procedure and it was like I was in an episode of Charlie Brown. All I heard was wah wah wah wha wha wha incision wha wha wha wha wha. Before he could get started I jumped off of the table and positioned Chucky's chair so he was facing the wall, put the headphones to his PSP in his ears and turned them up really loud, told him to leave them in no matter what and not to turn around.
I sat back down and the Dr. wasted no time at all, he grabbed the scapel and started to cut into my arm. I shouted "OUCH THAT HURTS!" and he acted as if I was being a big baby. So I thought okay, it might just be the first cut. Well it wasn't it hurt so bad- this coming from me who had a c-section without being numb. I was screaming and crying and that's when Chucky started FREAKING out. He was screaming and crying "YOUR HURTING ME, OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD!" I look over trying to be brave for my baby and he is on the floor holding his arm crying and screaming, "I can feel your pain, it's hurting me!" I told him that he needed to go out and sit in the waiting room until I was finished but he didn't want to leave me alone in there. I guess one of the nurses heard him screaming and came in and got him. When he left I knew that I couldn't and didn't need to be the brave mom anymore. I was in so much pain that I became nauseous and told the Dr. that I was going to throw up, he told me, "Turn your head the other way, don't puke over here." I than felt like I was going to pass out. The Dr. was digging and digging in my arm, as if he was trying to get the last bit of grapefruit off of the rind. I asked him if he was almost done and he told me that he wanted to get as deep as he could to get a good sample and that he was going to try to get all he could out. I was pleading with him to just leave the rest of it in there, that it has been in there this long what's a bit longer. After about 7-10 more minutes of him digging and scraping he was finally finished. I glanced over really quickly and thankfully couldn't see anything because the disposable gown was in the way.
He said we just have to stitch you up. I asked if he could just put a band-aid on it and he said no. He stitched me up and left. The nurse came in with Chucky in tow to clean me up and it wasn't until than that I see just how much blood that there really was, it was everywhere, all over my arm, down my back, all over the medical table and on the floor.
The nurse wrapped up my arm, gave me my instructions and told me to stop at the front desk to make a follow up appointment to get the stitches out. I asked how long it would be until the results came back and she said that they would call me as soon as they came in. I stopped at the front desk made my appointment and was on my way.
I feel really good about the results. He said that he got quiet a bit out, if not all.

Stay tuned for another journal entry...