Hello My Name is Hope...

 When somone we know is diagnosed with cancer, we often wonder or feel like there is nothing we can do- but there is! We can help raise awarness and money for a cure! Although I was not diagnosed with breast cancer I still like to help fund research to find a cure because they can then move on to the rare cancers and ultimately find a cure for all cancers!

To help boost awareness about Breast Cancer Quill.com{a leading business-to-buisness online and direct marketer of office products,} is having a campaign on Facebook-"Hello My Name is Hope." Quill.com is inviting all Facebook users to post and personalize virtual "Hello My Name is Hope" stickers on their profiles to honor both survivors, fighters and victims of this disease. For every sticker shared Quill.com will donate $1 up to $20,000 to City of Hope, a National Cancer Institute a designated comprehensive cancr center dedicatd to research, treatment and education!

Throughout October every ticker created will be displayed in a community gallery on the Quill.com Facebook page, creating a virtual wallof breast cancer messages and images.

So if you are/were one of those people who didn't know what do do or how to help here is your chance to speak up not only for yourself but for other's affected by breast cancer. I hope you will help and know that you are finding a cure for cancer!


*Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post. By posting I am eligiable to win a prize from MomSelect.com. The opinions expressed are my own & others' may vary.*

Journal Entry

July 31st

Today me and Chucky went to the doctor to get my stitches out. It has been longer than a week and so the skin started to grow around the stitches.{gross} My aunt Ruthie{not her real name} works at the doctors office and was the nurse on duty today. She took me back into the room and while taking my vitals she asked me where mom was, I told her that she was at work. She finished and left the room. I sat in the cold waiting room for the doctor to come in and take my stitches out, which I thought would hurt just as bad as when I got them. It seemed like it took forever. Just as I started to read a magazine my aunt peeked her head in and asked if mom was going to come, and I told her no that she was at work, she left. I started to read the magazine and copy down a recipe that was in the book when my aunt peeked her head in and asked if the doctor had been in yet, I said no not yet and she left. The doctor came in and asked how I was feeling before he started to take the stitches out. Chucky was asking the doctor a lot of questions but as soon as he started to take them out, he booked it to the chair in the corner, asking me every few minutes if it hurt and if I was okay. It didn't hurt at all, as a matter of fact, they came out smoothe like butta. When he was finished, he asked me to meet him in another room, which was fine because the room we were in brought back some not so fond memories. I was in the room for a few minutes copying down my recipe when aunt Ruthie peeked her head in and asked if the doctor had been in yet and I said no. Chucky started showing me a part on his psp when aunt Ruthie peeked her head in again and asked if the doctor had been in to see me yet, which he hadn't. Chucky finished showing me his game and the doctor came in. He sat down in his chair while looking at the papers that he brought in with him, he told me he got a sizeable amount and that it was able to be tested. That's when he said that I had dermatofibroma sarcoma partuberans. I looked at him with my eyes glazed over, what the heck is whatever you just said. He told me "you have cancer." Chucky shouted, "Mom, you have cancer, are you going to die?" What am I supposed to say to my son, when I don't even have the answer? The doctor started to explain the cancer to me, but all I could hear in my head was- "you have cancer!" It is a rare cancer that isn't "supposed" to spread but can, and comes back in the same spot over and over again. He told me that I was going to need surgery, to remove all of it and that it should be a pretty simple surgery although he might have to do a skin graph because of how deep and wide it was and how much that he had taken out. I just sat there shaking my head as if I knew what he was talking about, pretending I wasn't numb all the while staring a hole right through him. He told me that he does surgeries on Tuesday's if I wanted him to do the surgery, of course I told him yes, he is the best surgeon in our town. He left the room to get the papers to set up my surgery, aunt Ruthie peeked her head in and I lost it, I couldn't control myself. She said that she wanted to call mom and tell her to come with me to my appointment but because of the STUPID rules she couldn't. Aunt Ruthie sat down next to me, to console me. She kept tellling me that everything was going to be okay and that they caught it early. The doctor never did come back in, so I had to go to the front desk and set my appointment. I asked if I could get a copy of the recipe that I didn't quiet finish writing down, and the receptionist was nice enough to let me take the magazine, which makes me feel bad because what if someone else wanted that recipe? As we were stading there waiting for the appointment, Chucky said really loud " that sucks that you have cancer huh mom!" I turned around and everybody in the waiting room was staring right at me. We started walking to the car when I realized that I have no idea what kind ofcancer that I should tell my family that I have, so I went back into the doctors office and asked the receptionist if she could write it down for me, she said that she would make me a copy. Chucky and I got into the car and I just started driving, I had no idea where I was going, Ijust knew I couldn't go home and go stir crazy. I ended up at mom's work after a half hour of driving around aimlessly. I didn't want to walk in and just lay it all on her, hey mom how's work going, I have cancer. But it seems like that is exactly what I did. She said that we would talk when she got home. So me and Chucky packed it up and started to head home. I didn't even get out of the parking lot when my phone started to ring. I then decided that I needed to call my dad, my brothers and close friends before they heard it from somebody else.

I can't seem to find the recipe, but as soon as I do, I will post it. It was a good one! teehee;}
to be continued...

Journal Post...

July 7th
I went to have my biopsy today and it was NOT at all what I expected.
First off, I think Chucky is scarred for life..
I didn't have a babysitter so I had to bring him with me.

I arrived a little early to try to put myself at ease.
I was put into a surgical room. It was a larger room, surgical supplies lined up ready for use, tanks with liquid nitrogen, a large glass cabinet lined with colorful chemicals, and a large lone medical table{a newer, reclining one} smack dab in the middle of the room. I sat down in one of the chairs that is for the patients family/friends as if I were not the patient. At this point I can say I was definately scared.
I was asking a lot of questions and the Dr. was looking at me as if I were a child trying to talk around it-as if to get him to forget what we were there for. All the while trying to convince Chucky that everything was going to be just fine.
While the Dr. was cleaning my arm and giving me shots to numb my arm he is explaining the procedure and it was like I was in an episode of Charlie Brown. All I heard was wah wah wah wha wha wha incision wha wha wha wha wha. Before he could get started I jumped off of the table and positioned Chucky's chair so he was facing the wall, put the headphones to his PSP in his ears and turned them up really loud, told him to leave them in no matter what and not to turn around.
I sat back down and the Dr. wasted no time at all, he grabbed the scapel and started to cut into my arm. I shouted "OUCH THAT HURTS!" and he acted as if I was being a big baby. So I thought okay, it might just be the first cut. Well it wasn't it hurt so bad- this coming from me who had a c-section without being numb. I was screaming and crying and that's when Chucky started FREAKING out. He was screaming and crying "YOUR HURTING ME, OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD!" I look over trying to be brave for my baby and he is on the floor holding his arm crying and screaming, "I can feel your pain, it's hurting me!" I told him that he needed to go out and sit in the waiting room until I was finished but he didn't want to leave me alone in there. I guess one of the nurses heard him screaming and came in and got him. When he left I knew that I couldn't and didn't need to be the brave mom anymore. I was in so much pain that I became nauseous and told the Dr. that I was going to throw up, he told me, "Turn your head the other way, don't puke over here." I than felt like I was going to pass out. The Dr. was digging and digging in my arm, as if he was trying to get the last bit of grapefruit off of the rind. I asked him if he was almost done and he told me that he wanted to get as deep as he could to get a good sample and that he was going to try to get all he could out. I was pleading with him to just leave the rest of it in there, that it has been in there this long what's a bit longer. After about 7-10 more minutes of him digging and scraping he was finally finished. I glanced over really quickly and thankfully couldn't see anything because the disposable gown was in the way.
He said we just have to stitch you up. I asked if he could just put a band-aid on it and he said no. He stitched me up and left. The nurse came in with Chucky in tow to clean me up and it wasn't until than that I see just how much blood that there really was, it was everywhere, all over my arm, down my back, all over the medical table and on the floor.
The nurse wrapped up my arm, gave me my instructions and told me to stop at the front desk to make a follow up appointment to get the stitches out. I asked how long it would be until the results came back and she said that they would call me as soon as they came in. I stopped at the front desk made my appointment and was on my way.
I feel really good about the results. He said that he got quiet a bit out, if not all.

Stay tuned for another journal entry...

Journal Entry....

I have thought long and hard about how or if I should do this, and have decided that I am going to share my journal entries leading up and to finding out that I have cancer.

June 9, 2009
Today I went to the Dr, I wasn't feeling well- sore throat. The nurse was checking my blood pressure{you know how they put it on your upper arm and it gets really tight}well it hurt so bad that I had to ask her to take it off and change arms. She asked me why it hurt and I showed her the bump on my arm and told her that it was like a chronic bruise now.{It didn't help that Chucky would poke me there.}The doctor came in and checked me out{just a sinus infection}. But I noticed that my doctor couldn't keep her eyes off of my arm{i am guessing the nurse told her}. I told her to stop staring at my lump and laughed it off. She asked how long it had been there and I told her that it had been there for quiet sometime but it had only recently started to hurt and look bruised. I asked her what she thought it could be and she said that it could be a couple of things, just a cyst, or a broken blood vessel{which would cause it to look like a bruise}. She said that she would like for me to get a biopsy. I went over to the lady who makes the appointments and told her to make it asap. So now I have an appointment on July 31st to get a biopsy.
I am not in any way scared, I just think that it will be a great relief to not have my arm hurt anymore. I hope and pray that everything goes okay and that I won't have a huge scar.{selfish}

I am going to be posting pages from my journal a couple of times a week and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask or leave a comment. I would really love it if you asked the questions instead of wondering or just assuming;}
Have a great day~
♥
Chacoy